You’ve felt it in your body when you receive the text, get the look, or just remember the way he or she makes you feel. Emotional triggers are reactions to information that have a way of getting us riled up. Every piece of information that you take in through your senses is filtered by our brains to see what is a threat and what isn’t. Emotional triggers come when that information is perceived to be threatening which causes a reaction in your body. That is why being called last-minute into a meeting or getting a text saying “We need to talk” can cause your stomach to ache and your hands to sweat.
The first step in coming to terms with the things that trigger you is identifying them. Why is that this information causes this reaction for you? Likely, you aren’t crazy and the trigger has such an effect because something has happened in your past to make you feel that way. When just the thought of talking to someone serves as a trigger, it is likely that this person or this type of conversation has been hard in the past. So, based on previous experiences, the brain learned to interpret it as a threat. Once you identify the threat, you will be able to learn a new way to respond. One of the best ways to identify them is to write them out, and draw a line from the trigger itself and the way it makes you feel. Then draw a line back from the trigger and write a quick story of how you came to perceive that as a threat or source of anguish. This map can help you see what is really happening so you can chart a new way forward.
As you can see, what triggers you does not define who you are, they are simply ways that you have learned to respond to keep yourself safe. Working with the brain to achieve that sense of safety, you are going to need short phrases to remind you that you are not defined by the thing that is triggering you. For example, if a call with your mom always makes you feel terrible, you are likely to sigh and hunch your shoulders when you see her name on your phone. In this moment, your body is responding to what your brain has recognized as something unsafe or undesirable. Write down a short phrase that you can use in these moments to remind yourself of who you are and that you can engage with your mother in a non-threatening way. Sometimes, triggers will lead us to place new boundaries in place and that is a good step too. Maybe you need to take a break from your weekly calls with mom to learn a few self-regulation skills and then come back to engage the calls with newfound peace.
Whatever your trigger may be, finding clarity is paramount. You need to identify what is triggering you, trace it back to the story that you got you here, and then decide how you would like to respond in the future. It sounds simple, but it is going to take work. But, trigger by trigger, you can begin to work yourself into a life that is less reactive and full of the peace you long for.