Being a leader is a role that naturally draws people’s eyes toward you. The gaze of followers is inherently directed at the leader, because power and authority create a dynamic of distance and curiosity.
The Bible addresses this when it speaks about choosing leaders—who must be people of good reputation and have order in their private lives (1 Timothy 3). This expectation creates pressure to live according to a high standard, which we can easily confuse with self-sufficiency. We mistakenly believe that living a life worthy of imitation means being self-sustaining and independent. But how do we react when this dynamic of power and responsibility leaves us with a deep sense of loneliness?
In 1 Samuel 22, we see David—chosen by God as Israel’s true leader. Along with his calling, David had many qualities and a leadership style that attracted a multitude of followers, even while he was hiding and running for his life. From the outside, one might think a leader would feel fulfilled and complete when surrounded by people who admire and would do anything for him.
Yet we find a sad truth in David’s life—a leader surrounded by people, with a clear calling, yet filled with deep loneliness. When David was in the cave with 400 men who had chosen to follow him, he wrote Psalm 142 to express his frustration and sense of isolation. He confessed that, socially, he felt like no one cared for his soul (Psalm 142:4). He looked around and saw people who loved him, but no one who truly understood him. He had many who revered him, but none who truly knew him. He had those who would die for him, but no one to accompany him in his pain.
As leaders, we often must appear strong before employees, followers, or congregations—projecting that we have everything under control and exist to serve others. But who loves the leader? Who listens without judgment and becomes a refuge in times of crisis? We can joyfully give our lives because we know God’s calling and use our gifts to serve others—but that doesn’t shield us from needing someone to listen. Many leaders live with this struggle, trying not to show frustration for fear of discouraging others. Yet everyone needs a shoulder to cry on.
If you are struggling with loneliness, learn from David’s example in this Psalm. First, we need to expose our inner reality and confess our feelings of isolation. God is not offended when we express our frustration or despair. David found a safe place in God’s presence—crying out for his soul to be freed from “prison,” referring not only to the physical cave but also to the emotional and relational cave of his solitude.
In response, God provided a tangible expression of His presence—sending Jonathan, David’s covenant friend, to visit him. God gave him flesh-and-blood comfort, allowing David to feel His closeness through his friend’s embrace.
This brotherly relationship moves me deeply, because it reveals what is both possible and necessary for leaders. We must trust God and bring our burdens to Him with honesty—but we also need human connection to fight the loneliness that threatens us.
If you don’t have a Jonathan today, I encourage you to cry out as David did from his cave. When you look around and find no one to share your struggle with, remember that God remains your refuge. In that refuge, He not only provides His presence but also brothers and sisters who can understand you. Fellowship among peers is essential for leaders to flourish.
Understand this: you cannot fight loneliness alone. You need others to help you steward all that God has entrusted to you. The feeling of loneliness is a reminder that you were created to thrive in community, and that God’s calling is carried out in family. No one can replace you or do exactly what you do—but you still need someone who understands you. You need someone you can call from your cave and invite into the darkness of your emotions.
If you feel the expectation to give everything without anyone in your corner, you are not fulfilling God’s design as He modeled it. Jesus Himself had to do difficult things and lead a stubborn, needy group of followers. Yet the Son of God did not consider Himself self-sufficient—He sought friends who would stand by Him in His hardest moments.
Our hope is not in friendships themselves, but God created us so that leadership would never be a call to suffer in silence and isolation. Let’s keep crying out for God to meet this need—and let’s embrace the Jonathans He sends to accompany us in our caves.