Everyone has that family member that did or said something that has created a relational rift that sends shockwaves throughout generations. While boundaries with difficult family members is a good thing, we have to make sure that we aren’t harboring feelings against others that will inevitably intoxicate our own souls. Maybe it is an uncle that always makes inappropriate jokes or a cousin that took advantage of the family business. Maybe it is your own mom or dad that consistently says or does damaging things to you and the ones you love. These situations merit a wise response as we seek to protect ourselves and our loved ones from harm, even when these threats come from within our own families.
And while healthy relationships should have strong boundaries in place, our own heart is deceptive and we can unintentionally accumulate feelings of bitterness without realizing it. We can only be responsible for what we have the power to steward and you have the power to steward forgiveness. While the damage that was done could be great and have lasting consequences, only you can do the difficult work of seeing how that has affected you.
What sensation do you have when you think about that family member?
What do you do to protect yourself from feeling that way?
Are you sure that you have forgiven them even though they haven’t asked for it?
As you have most likely already heard, a lack of forgiveness does much more damage to our own hearts than it could ever do to the one we are holding a grudge against. If you have already forgiven your family member for what they have done and said, it is the perfect time to ask the follow up question, are you sure? What about today? Forgiveness isn’t just a one time thing but a continual process of digging deep in our own hearts to find the places where we have reverted to a victim role and still feel justice wasn’t done. It is very possible that justice might not have been done and never will be. But that doesn’t mean you can’t forgive. Today. Again.
Take the time to evaluate your own feelings towards the family member that has done you wrong and work through the pain, not around it.